Advice on dating a divorced man married people dating site
They’d met young, in their early 20s, and had decided, two months before James and I met, to divorce. James had been the one to request the divorce; his wife had been devastated by his decision. There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think either A) I’m thrilled he’s got that experience under his belt, or B) Why god, did I have to fall in love with a guy with an ex-wife? But beyond that, it’s just a device with which to torture yourself. If he dumped her, you think, “What’s to stop him from dumping me? You’re destined to wonder – however briefly – how much of him is still in love with her. And if you’re the one who winds up with him, it will fall upon you to help him cope. A man with a now-defunct marriage under his belt has learned a few things about himself, about what he has to work on, about what he can and cannot handle.
All this information came up over the course of our 10-hour date, and to some extent, the process of James discussing it was akin to someone waving a red flag in my face. The point of course is this: There are some serious pros to dating a divorced guy. The Cons: (I thought we’d get the negatives out of the way first. ” You’ll have to manage her continued pining, her continued pursuit. You will see him see old photos, you will see him cry or scream or fume or mourn. And – lest it bears mention – this is all as much fun as… A guy who’s lived with a woman for a significant period of time has a pretty good sense of what to say and when to say it. If you’re boyfriend’s divorced, you can be 99 percent sure he’s lived with someone else for a while and has a solid understanding of shared space as a result. A divorce is a horrible thing to be sure, but from what I’ve observed, it’s also pretty humbling.
Put the kids first Your new man’s kids will always come first to him, so don’t try to compete for his affection.
Even if you’re thrilled about the prospect of meeting them, be aware that you need to be the one to fit into their lives, not the other way around.
Today as I listen to single women tell their stories about dating divorced men, I remember my experience well.
I see them making choices about dating divorced men similar to ones I made.
By putting more pressure on him, I pushed him away.
There was one little problem, however, and that was that James already had a wife.
However the first 6 months there were a lot more hurdles to overcome, which led to the relationship breaking down.
Yes, I knew that he was divorced and had two children, but just knowing that he did want kids was to overcome the first hurdle of dating him.
He already had two children already and even though in the first instance he said he wanted to have another with me, I knew that he had started to change his mind 3 months in as I could sense it and I ignored the signs as I didn't want to face the consequences of that outcome.
Instead, confront your situation head on (if you want kids with a divorced guy) especially if he has children already.
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Having dated a divorced guy, I can speak from experience of what to do and the mistakes to avoid if you do decide to go down this path with a divorced guy, especially if they have kids.