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This is completely independent from our sex life, which is satisfactory, if vanilla.A: I think you know this is a form of cheating, which is why you’re writing to me.This isn’t an issue of what porn you watch or what fantasies get you off—it’s about sharing a particular form of sex and intimacy with people who aren’t your wife without her knowledge, and it’s a betrayal of the monogamous commitment she believes you two have.I don’t do it often, and when I do, I don’t give any identifying information or invite anyone to our home.I internally justify it by telling myself that it’s not something I can do with her anyway, and masturbating by myself isn’t cheating, so why does it matter if someone else is there? I either need to tell her and hope for her unlikely blessing or knock it out and keep it as a fantasy like any other person in a committed, monogamous relationship, right?

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