Psychology of intimidating people
“Nice door.” Playing it cool like this actually gives you the upper edge.The minute a person enters such an office, and is shown to a lower-placed seat, the person in the high chair is instantly elevated to a position of power and authority as compared to the one on visitor’s chair.“You say yes when you mean no, which leads to resentment and a sense that you’re invisible.This can lead to feeling depressed and devalued.”It might be harder for you to be assertive because you fear “being challenged, shamed, ignored, disregarded or socially excluded,” Hanks said.When we’re truly assertive, “we focus only on ourselves without making the other person wrong,” Farris said. This is different from starting sentences with “you,” which can put people on the defensive. She shared these examples of statements you can say: 3. Farris suggested applying this saying in 12-step programs to your situation: “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control and you can’t cure it.” That is, what the other person is saying or doing isn’t about you.
She’s found that most people who have a hard time acting assertively haven’t reflected on what they think, feel, need and want.“If you have uncertainty or don’t have conviction about what you want to express, it’s really difficult to behave assertively.”To get clarity, she suggested simply asking yourself questions, like the below, on a regular basis: Hanks also recommended using a feelings word list to describe how you’re currently feeling.
Mind you, this unseen energy is very useful when dealing with some thug or predator, but most of us prefer not to be seen as intimidating to our everyday acquaintances or the people whom we meet at our friends’ parties.
This unseen energy develops naturally as you continue to hone your skills in martial arts or self-defense.
It means expressing your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants in a relationship, said psychologist Julie de Azevedo Hanks, Ph. However, many of us have a hard time being assertive with certain people. Maybe it’s someone you perceive as more powerful or even “better” than you.
Either way, one thing is clear: You find yourself being passive and unable to speak your truth. According to psychotherapist Michelle Farris, LMFT, “over time, not speaking up makes you feel like a doormat.” This sinks your self-esteem, sets you up to be a victim and makes you feel powerless, she said.
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This is because we fear being rejected or losing the relationship, she said.